


allison wishes (there is no need)

by heardarumor



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Slightly Out Of Character, allison is trying, first vallison fic im learning, klaus and allison are good siblings, lowercase aesthetic sorry, luther is a dickwad, my friend wanted me to post this so i am, sorry chiefs, yeehaw!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 19:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21307601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heardarumor/pseuds/heardarumor
Summary: allison moves back home, tells herself it’s to be closer in case something else happened but she knows it’s really because she feels guilty. guilty she hadn’t been a better sister, a better friend, that she hadn’t been there when vanya needed someone the most.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves/Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 3
Kudos: 130





	allison wishes (there is no need)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vanyasviolin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanyasviolin/gifts).

allison can count, to the minute, how long it’d been since she was woken up by her phone ringing. she wishes she hadn’t answered, maybe she could have lived on in <strike>blissful</strike> ignorance, having never heard diego’s voice shaking when he delivered the news.

apparently, he’d been the one to find her, because _of course_ he was. how fitting. allison feels sick the entire day, planning her flight back home and barely worrying about anything else. diego had described it in such graphic detail, her heart ached for him, but she really didn’t need the image of vanya’s lifeless body, sprawled out on her bed with a piece of notebook paper neatly folded and propped up on her nightstand.

it was so... neat. allison felt sick, wondering how long vanya had been planning it. wondering how many times, during their conversations, vanya had been thinking about how, and when.

allison reads the note, they all read the note. luther barely pays attention, his face set in a neutral expression while allison reads vanya’s shaky handwriting, telling them why she did it. 

luther doesn’t want a funeral, doesn’t think it’s important to have one. their father agrees, saying there was no point in making a fuss and he could have them cremate her. allison demands giving vanya a proper funeral, a proper goodbye. vanya never felt like a part of the family in life, and allison blamed herself for it, so she was going to make sure vanya damn well knew she was welcome, even if in the afterlife.

allison writes letters every day, addressing them to vanya but never mailing them off anywhere because they have no alive recipient. she puts them on vanya’s grave, sometimes, but stops doing that when diego mocks her for it, saying “i’m afraid klaus is the only one of us that can talk to ghosts.”

klaus wants to get sober, wants to be everything vanya wanted him to be and begged him to be in the note, and the first time he conjures her, he assures allison that vanya appreciates the letters and wants her to keep doing it. 

allison doesnt keep doing it.

allison moves back home, tells herself it’s to be closer in case something else happened but she knows it’s really because she feels guilty. guilty she hadn’t been a better sister, a better friend, that she hadn’t been there when vanya needed someone the most.

klaus tells her she doesn’t need to feel guilty, conjures vanya for allison to talk to and when they hug, they hug. they cling to one another until klaus just doesn’t have the strength to keep vanya around and just like that, she’s gone, again. 

klaus and allison live at the academy, once more, luther only returning once to mourn for two days and then leave, again. grace keeps them company. 

they don’t see reginald at all. 

they wonder if he feels bad at all. 

they wonder if he feels any emotions at all. 

allison learns about vanya. goes through her journals and diaries after asking for permission, through klaus, and learns. she learns vanya’s favorite song, her favorite color, her favorite movie, her favorite sibling. she learns vanya was gay, which is something they’d all suspected but it feels... heavy, reading about it from the perspective of a sixteen year old, who felt so excluded she couldn’t come to her siblings about it. not even the one who was also gay. 

allison wishes she had been kinder, warmer, sweeter, to vanya when she was around. klaus repeats vanya’s words to her: “no need to wish, allison. i don’t blame you for any of it.” and allison can’t help but break down, sobbing in her brother’s arms and for a second she swears she can feel vanya’s arms around her, too. 

allison learns. she learns vanya had a crush on her when they were teenagers, she learns that when vanya walked in on her and luther kissing, she had been going in with the intention to tell her. she learns how bad guilt can eat at you, from the inside out. she learns. she learns that luther used to torment vanya when no one was around, she learns reginald had taken a belt to vanya on more than one occasion and god, allison wishes she had been more aware of her surroundings before because she could have done something. she could have saved her. 

klaus also learns. he learns what vanya’s laugh sounds like. he learns that vanya and ben get along splendidly— that makes it easier on him, too. they all learn. klaus learns vanya’s favorite thing to do is hum, to sing to herself, and he’s glad she’s carried that on to the afterlife. he learns that underneath it all, vanya’s pretty cool, and has a wicked fashion sense, just never had the confidence nor comfort to wear anything she wanted to like klaus does. she whispers that she used to envy him one night, and he laughs, really laughs, before promising to let her live vicariously through him some more. 

diego does not learn. he stays with what he knows, so when klaus conjures vanya for a “family reunion”, and diego catches his sisters with all the strength in the world, and allison catches his bottom lip trembling and eyes filling with tears, he lets out a whisper so soft, so quiet, it almost just sounds like he’s only breathing. 

“i could’ve helped you. i’m s-so sorry, vanya.”

for the first time since she was a child, vanya doesn’t look tired. she looks relieved, in fact, and klaus is sure that is the first ghost he’s ever seen look quite content with their situation. vanya looks so relaxed. happy, even. 

klaus envies her. 

they all do. 

she promises them they don’t  need to feel bad, she’s happier, really, than she ever would’ve been alive. 

luther refuses to learn. he comes back for holidays, and any mention of vanya while he’s around results in anger, or him storming off to not be seen again for the rest of the day. 

allison gets mad, gets furious, at the way his fists clench when someone even dare mutter her name, because she knows all the things he said to her when they were younger. knows how vicious he was, knows the insults, the slurs that escaped his mouth, and she is tempted to rumor him into admitting it in front of everyone, but she doesn’t . 

she promised vanya she’d stop abusing her power like that. 

but one day, she lets it slip. one last time. diego suggested to grace that they make vanya’s favorite for their birthday dinner, and luther all but growls, “i’ve told you not to talk about her.” and allison leans up, until she feels his breath on her face, and she can tell he thinks she’s going to kiss him. 

“i heard a rumor you told them what you used to call vanya.” 

and it was out in the open, finally. luther repeats every vicious, ruthless word that he’d ever said to vanya and allison watches, watches as any relationship he had with his siblings disappeared. snapped like a twig. 

klaus cringes as luther says “filthy dyke.”

allison has no doubt that vanya is reliving some childhood trauma, and allison does feel bad, but, she mostly feels good. because she’s finally avenging her sister’s death. her sister’s wrongful, horrible death. 

she watches as diego’s eyes flash with fury when luther admits he’d told vanya to kill herself more than once. she watches as diego clenches his fist, fights back the urge to attack luther. 

klaus was the first to speak after luther finished. two simple words, hanging in the air: “fuck you.” and that was it. luther left the next day and they haven’t seen him since.

he doesn’t bother anymore. 

allison is thankful he doesn’t. 

allison wishes it had been her, instead of vanya. pogo admits to them over a cup of tea that vanya did indeed have powers, that in fact, if reginald hadn’t repressed them, would have been number one instead of luther. diego is twirling a knife in his hands, jaw clenched tight and lip curved in a snarl when that slips past pogo’s lips. pogo apologizes, sincerely, for hiding it.

allison wishes it had been her. 

sometimes, if there’s no noise in the house, if the air is just right, allison can hear vanya’s violin. she savors what is no doubt a flashback— simply the remnants from her childhood, because she knows it is the only thing she has left of vanya.

klaus conjures her for allison upon request, and allison holds out vanya’s violin, offering it to her with a silent request. vanya takes it, and allison loses herself in the music that follows. 

when vanya disappears, and the violin drops to the floor with a thud, allison collapses in klaus’s arms once again and her body shakes, tears leaving streaks of eyeliner behind but she does not care. 

it’s been months since she’s seen claire, months since she’s heard from patrick, and she is exhausted. she wants vanya back, she wants her old life back, she wants her daughter back.

allison wishes it had been her. 

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism and comments are very strongly encouraged and welcomed!


End file.
